One of the biggest roadblocks in creating a soul-matched relationship is that we tend to bring our pain and baggage from past relationships into our present ones, and even into our search for the right one. If you have been hurt in the past, it is understandable that you may have developed issues with trust and confidence in your subsequent partners. The fact is that no partner is the same. Even though you may be holding onto past traumas or disappointments, this does not mean that every partner to follow will behave in this same way.
- There is a tendency to project, or put onto other people, the fear, grief or resentment of our past. When in reality, this person does not represent those things at all. However, because you may believe this to be true because of your history, your fear and behavior around this issue may bring the worst out of someone you love.
The result is what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy, in that we end up bringing upon ourselves what we fear most. For instance, if you have fear of abandonment and you hang onto someone too tightly because you are afraid they will leave, they may end up leaving because they feel smothered by you. Another example would be that because you are afraid your love will leave you, you may subconsciously choose people that have commitment issues, just to prove to yourself that, yes, they will abandon you. Sounds crazy, right? Well it happens all the time.
When we start a relationship with clean slate, it will have a much higher chance of flourishing with much less grief and discord.
Here are a few exercises to help you let go and move forward from a clear, strong and healthy place.
Blast Off Practice #1 Write Off The Past
Please write out the emotions and traumas that you have experienced in past relationships that you do not want to bring into your new or current relationship.
By looking at these issues in writing, it helps to separate them from your current situations and relationships. In this way it is easier to become an observer rather than wearing the traumas on your sleeves in your new relationships.
When we can see our partner with 20/20 vision rather than looking through clouded lenses from the past, we will feel much freer to be the best partner possible. The result, we also draw in and receive the same positive, loving energy in return.
Blast Off Practice #2 Open Your Heart To Love
This Open Heart Meditation exercise is in my new bestselling book, “Blast Off! The Surefire Success Plan To Launch Your Dreams Into Reality.” In this exercise, you will focus, visualize and feel your heart open to receive love, and at the same time let go of the past hurts and disappointments.
- Get into a quiet space. Sit down and then take some deep breaths until you are feeling calm and relaxed. If soft music and candles help you get into the mood, add these to your environment.
- Now when you inhale, visualize a golden light coming into your body from the crown of your head and see it flowing all the way down to your toes. Feel it as the warmth and the sparkling light nurtures all the organs and systems of your body.
- After a few minutes, focus on your heart area. Now put your right hand over your heart and continue to inhale and exhale this golden light. Then as you inhale, only focus on your heart area and visualize a soft, pink, loving energy coming into your heart. Feel your heart opening fully and allowing this pink energy to fill it completely and fully with love.
- If you have had pain in your heart due to loss or heartbreak, visualize the tears of your heart pouring out as the pain begins to release and subside. Fill any emotional wounds with this pink loving energy. See your wound healing as your heart is surrounded with love. Continue to inhale and exhale deeply.
- After another minute or two, visualize the pink energy turning into red, passionate, vibrant energy that is continuing to fill up your ever- expanding, open heart. Now feel that love and passion spread from your heart to the rest of your body, up to your head and down through your torso and legs, and through to the bottom of your toes. Feel how wonderful, light, free and uplifting this love energy feels. Continue to experience the opening of your heart.
- Now I want you to expand this loving energy inside your heart and the rest of your body out to the world and to the Universe. See it expanding for miles and miles. Oh, how lucky the world is to experience your love! Now feel the love coming right back into your heart and hold it there. Your heart is now open and ready to receive love.
Repeat this exercise at least twice a week to continue healing and opening your heart so that you may receive all the love you deserve.
It is not that you won’t remember any of these old hurts, you are just choosing not to give them continual power over you and your present and future opportunities for great love.
Now that you have been releasing the past and anything that can get in the way of creating a new and deeper relationship, it’s time to get really clear on what you actually do want in your relationships.
Allison Maslan is the CEO of Blast Off Life and Business Coaching, The Pinnacle and Blastation Inc., an interactive life coaching software company. She is also the No. 1 bestselling author of the book, “Blast Off! The Surefire Success Plan to Launch Your Dreams Into Reality.” Maslan has built 9 of her own successful companies and specializes in helping people find their true calling and turning it into a profitable and fulfilling business and lifestyle. She was recently named One of the Top 50 Women Entrepreneurs Who Inspire by Self-Made Magazine. Maslan has a gift in empowering and propelling people, albeit executives, entrepreneurs or individuals in transition, to their personal and professional pinnacle. She vicariously triumphs in the realms of career and relationships, as well as personal and spiritual growth. She has coached thousands of clients in developing and achieving their own successful life and business ventures and transitions. For more information, visit www.MyBlastOff.com.